Maybe-Someday.com

Posted on June 9th, 2009 at 2:06am

This weekend (with the exception of Sunday) was absolutely abysmal. One of the darkest I’ve had in a long time. Every time I re-cap the story to someone new, it just kicks up all of the… everything, and ends up being just a generally bad idea.

Before the weekend started there was a big company shake-up. It, too, also sucks a lot of really bad things. This is also something better left un-recapped. Suffice to say, I’m now in my very own prison office in the back of the building.

So, with that. Sunday.

I left pretty early on in the morning up to Hollywood. Impressively, I made the drive in under an hour and a half. I hit absolutely no traffic. That’s damn near miraculous. By 10:30am I was parked and ready to get my day started with Charrmaine.

We really didn’t do all that much, but the day went by so quickly. We talked for so long, went to Denny’s for a late breakfast and talked a lot there, then went back to her place and talked and drank wine and did tarot and talked. By that time it was already 8pm and time for a quick bite to eat before we saw Up at the El Cap.

It was really a mentally refreshing trip for me. The talking alone did wonders for me. It’s been so long since I’ve had a big lengthy conversation. The tarot, too, was pretty awesome. I’m well aware that I’m happily living in a spiritual vacuum right now, so it seems odd that I’d even want to have my tarot read. Whether I believe in the cards or not, it’s a good exercise for me to really do some soul searching. Trying to find explanations to the cards, looking for the “what does it all mean,” of sorts.

I texted the bottom line basic results to a few friends, and they all replied with a “DOY!”, so… I guess I learned some fairly obvious things about me. There were three basic takeaways from the session. That little chickadee I kinda sorta like (y’know, like, whatever) isn’t gonna happen (but we all knew that). I have an overbearing father (again, we all knew that). Lastly, I need, need, need to start being more impulsive, spontaneous, and even irrational. Another big doy-burger. I’m tired of living this “let me think about it,” plan it out, weigh the pros and cons bullshit life. I’m 27 years old, and I’ve done next-to-nothing worth noting. And it’s solely because I’m too scared/too worried to do anything.

And it needs to stop.

“Did you really need magical mystical cards to tell you that, Christopher?” you ask.

Well, maybe not. But I don’t really do a lot of self-exploration, or soul searching on my own. But when I’ve got these strange, vague cards in front of me telling me these random, almost nonsensical things that are supposed to pertain to me, people in my life, events in my life… I have to dig deep to find a connection. So, you can easily argue if that connection I find is any kind of supernatural in nature (I think you know what side I lean on, currently), but the end result is the same. I do find connections, and I walk away learning things about myself. Things to keep an eye on.

I told Emily that if her trip to Paris falls through, I will come visit her in Texas [spontaneous! impulsive!]. Then I was reminded of her unique family dynamic in her house. So I think we should meet up in Chicago. [Hey, baby steps!!]

Two years ago yesterday. My old bedroom.

I can see right through you.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.