Maybe-Someday.com

Posted on February 23rd, 2009 at 12:03am

The line “I still dream of lips I never should have kissed” (nine inch nails – Sanctified) has always stood out to me. I first heard the song over fifteen years ago (jesus christ, I’m old…), and even though I’ve got no point of reference to it, nor can I relate to it… it’s always stood out to me.

I took Pretty Hate Machine for a spin tonight for old time’s sake. There’s been a slow emerging trend in the office lately—all of us dusting off our old high school tunes. For me that’s meant lots of noisy, dirty Digital Hardcore Recordings albums, but tonight has been a nine inch nails night. So when that line came around tonight, it fell on a different set of ears. Suddenly it has a meaning to me. I’ve got my reference.

December 3, 2004

I hate looking back on my life. It’s something I do too often, and too well. Tomorrow will never be as good as yesterday. That may very well be etched into headstone, because I believe it so strongly to be true. I hated high school at the time, but looking back had nothing but good times. Going to college wasn’t something I really wanted to do, but would certainly go back now if I had a time machine. I’m well aware that as tough as times are now for me, by next month today will look pretty good.

It’s not a very good outlook to have on life. I’m taking a ride on a downward spiral, until the ultimate end… death. Each day just a little worse than the day before.

Yet… this phrase of mine. The one I cling so strongly to. The one I named my website after because… I have hope that maybe someday things will change. Hopefully things will get better. Maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not next week. But…

I would love so much to believe in “the promise of tomorrow,” but I’ve already lived 27 years worth of tomorrows. I’d take yesterday any day.

I suppose all of this means that I should cherish today because tomorrow is going to be yesterday any day now.

“Every day I hope and pray that this will end,
But when I can, I do it all again.”

Goodnight Moon.
I am sanctified inside you.