Full Nest Syndrome
Posted on January 25th, 2010 at 1:10am
I miss my computer. With the insurance money, I bought a MacBook Pro. I’ve also got a new 25″ monitor to hook it up to. It should feel just like sitting at my old iMac desktop… but it doesn’t. It’s really bothersome. Makes me feel like I miss-spent 2.5 grand. Whenever I try to sit down and do something more than just chat with friends on it, I’m just reminded of how different it feels. I’m not getting used to it, and it’s really frustrating.
My lease is up in a month. I’m still not 100% where I’m going or what I want to do. I’m pretty sure I no longer want to live with Danny. I mean… shit. I’ve been saying that practically ever since we moved in. The leading option right now is to move back home with my parents. And I know I’ve been over this before, but I just can’t make a decision about it. Their house is misery. Both my parents are just miserable people. I mean that in the literal sense. They’re deeply unhappy. Being around that much negative energy just drains you.
Every Sunday when Danny and I head over for “family night” (which is no longer really family night since Todd moved away, but that’s another gripe for another night), it takes no more than 20 minutes before we give each other that look of “ugh… here we go.”
Anyway. Point being—I’m not sure I can live there for 4-6 months. I’d go insane. Or worse, I’l literally go insane. I don’t need to be around that kind of energy. When I start to spiral out of control in my own bouts of depression, the one thing that never fails to slap me out of it is some kind of social contact with the outside world. My Friday and Saturday nights with my friends absolutely keep me from killing myself. Without an apartment to invite people over to, I’m worried I’d just never get out, I’d never see my friends.
Of course I could still invite them over… but c’mon. “Hey guys, let’s hangout and have movie night in my bedroom at my parents house.” Rough. I don’t know if I can swing that. I don’t know.
Bright side. I’d be saving a shit-ton of money every month. I’d pay of my credit card debt very quickly, and one or two more months of just pure saving up, I’d have a nice little cache of cash to float on when it’s time go move back out. These are all some very nice and almost-well-worth-it benefits. But I just don’t know.
I’ve got just over 30 days to make up my mind.
(Realistic prediction: Neither Danny and I will have a clue what we’re doing by the end of February, and we’ll just coast month-to-month for a month or two)
I also really miss not having a camera.
Being burgled really fucking sucks.
Goodnight Moon.
I’m Trying…