Made of Glass

Sunday, November 29th, 2009 at 2:59am

A productive day. I woke up pretty early (which is getting a lot easier, considering the small amount of sleep I’ve been getting lately), and went right over to my parents house. I started a big new project for the party, and so far it’s coming together nicely.

I find it kind of funny, sometimes. I get a fair amount of shit being “such a girl,” (and I’m aware that I bring 95% of that on myself) but I’d like to see what they say about me when I’m buried in saw dust, hammering and cutting wood all day long. Damn straight.

Sarah came over tonight for some food and movie-time. She’s just back from her trip to Paris, but doesn’t have any of her photos printed yet. So I was sad about that. We tried a new restaurant that opened up called BJ’s and it was extremely delicious. A ton of food, rather cheap, and yeah… just really tasty. It was a total win.

We came back to my place and watched The American Astronaut, which we’ve been meaning to do for sometime now. I don’t think I’ve got the words just yet to express what I saw, or even how much I enjoyed it. Suffice to say, it’s an excellent little movie and completely unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.

Tera, we need a movie night soon!

Sarah and I spent a lot of time discussing the party. She’s pretty much the only person outside of my family that is really in the loop about what I’m doing. She’s been talking it up at work for a while now, so I feel much more confident that a good number of people will show up to this thing.

Which, of course, really puts the pressure on me to make it something awesome.

Shouldn’t be a problem!

Goodnight Moon.
I love you.

Ongoing

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009 at 11:52pm

I don’t know how much longer I can continue to say “I’m just going through the motions” before I start to bore myself. For having my life turned upside down and inside out, things sure are boring over here.

I’m looking forward to the long weekend coming up. Tomorrow should be a pretty easy going day at work, and then it’s time to shut off the brain until Monday. Plus the food, of course.

My mom and I have made a lot of progress in the garage cleaning it up and emptying it all out. Danny and I have been taking apart all sorts of random things we find along the way. We successfully took apart a CRT monitor, which was dangerous. Do something wrong and it could kill you, actually. A few cool parts inside, but we ended up having to shatter the tube/glass… which exploded in a pretty awesome kind of way.

I’m totally in a crap mood tonight. Not really sure where this one came from. I had a very hard time falling asleep last night, so maybe I’m just cranky. It was pretty close to 4 in the morning by the time I started to get tired enough to sleep. I think I’m gonna try to go to bed a little earlier than usual tonight to make up for it.

Again… I’m this point in my life where the only thing in my head is “something’s gotta give.” It’s the same point I’ve been at for years now. Wasting away what’s left of my years. Bah.

I’m just cranky, right?

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Press Forward

Friday, November 20th, 2009 at 2:28am

I don’t really have anything worthwhile to say right now. Still pressing forward with the insurance company. Still slowly making headway on my New Years party. Still bored as all hell while I’m at home, and still drinking lots of wine and watching lots of movies to occupy my time.

That’s… about it really.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Rut

Monday, November 16th, 2009 at 1:48am

The insurance company requires me to send them a copy of the police report along with all the other paperwork. So, I stopped by the police department Saturday morning only to find out it takes “ten to fifteen business days” to get a copy mailed to me. Which means I’m at least ten days away from sending any paperwork to the insurance company. Which, then, means I’m a long ways away from them sending me any compensation.

Translation: I’m computer-less for much longer than I can stand.

I talked to my parents tonight about them fronting me the money to replace my main computer, and then I can pay them right back as soon as a check comes through. We didn’t get to finish the conversation, but it seemed to be going in a positive direction. I’m sad I even have to ask. If I had that kind of money right now, I’d definitely do it myself. Go on credit for a few weeks, maybe a month.

Otherwise, I’m still just going through the motions. I keep telling myself that, at least. I think it helps me feel like I’m doing… “it” right.

Moving has been on my mind a lot lately. I’m not sure it has much to do with the break-in, actually. Other than, that is, just adding to the sense of “Boy, I sure do hate it here.” Not that I have any idea where I’d want to go, or with whom I would live. Although, I secretly have two people in mind that I think I’d get along well with in a roommate situation.

Los Angeles has been popping up in my head again. Which is, perhaps, ironic being that I no longer know anyone living there. Tera and Charrmaine have moved out and moved on.

I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately. I’ve got nothing better to do, you know. Last night I watched Children of Men, then right after I watched 12 Monkeys. An inadvertent post-apocalyptic theme going on. I don’t know why exactly, but there’s something rather alluring to me in these dystopian worlds. The war-torn world in Children of Men, or the dark and over-crowed Los Angeles in Blade Runner. It’s almost romantic to me. The busy, noisy, dirty city. It never stops moving. You could never feel alone with that many people around.

But all of this has made me think about moving to a big(ger) city-type location. I just don’t see myself living outside of California, so it would have to be LA. San Francisco is too north for my likes, as great a city as it is.

Besides… who am I kidding? I’m not going to move. I’m not going anywhere. I’m stuck right here.

Goodnight Moon.
I miss you more than I should.

Cassandra Syndrome

Sunday, November 15th, 2009 at 1:22am

The Cassandra Syndrome:

A condition that describes someone who knows, or can see the future but cannot do anything about it.

Goodnight Moon.

Triangle

Friday, November 13th, 2009 at 1:23am

“It’s kind of amazing how you lose it over not having Friday night plans, but when your shit is stolen you’re all composed. Proud of you.”

Emily dropped that on me the other night. I’ve noticed the same thing. I’m a little surprised I haven’t punched a hole in a wall, or lost my temper, or… cried even. Reruns of House make me cry… but this happens and… I’m fine? Weird.

The difference is that when I’m stuck home alone on a weekend night because I’ve got no plans, I take it personally. Obviously I’m home alone because no one wants to hang out with me, right? Where as when my shit gets stole’d, I can’t really take that personally. Unless I find out it was done by some friend of mine or something, but that’s just not the case here. It’s just a random event that happens to effect me.

Maybe that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I don’t know.

I spent tonight digging through every last inch of this apartment, trying to track down proof of the things I [used to] own. I’ve got photos or receipts for most of everything. I’m having a hell of a time tracking down any kind of evidence of ever owning my Canon camera. It’s frustrating.

Weekend is coming up. Looking forward to getting all of this business out of my brain for a little bit and re-focus on party setup.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Steps

Monday, November 9th, 2009 at 12:38am

Suddenly, I’m checking and re-checking, and re-checking the locks on my doors and windows three or four times before I head into bed.

Sarah asked me if I knew where to get film for her Holga camera. I suggested a place called OPT in Oceanside. I realized the last time I was there was when I bought my Canon camera. She suggested we go together and grab breakfast beforehand. I figured while I was the camera place I could see if they could pull up an old receipt for me.

We had breakfast at Beach Break Cafe. A little hole in the wall place I’ve never heard off, but is super popular. One of those “it’s worth the 45 minute wait to get seated” places. I had the banana-crunch French toast and it was every bit as delicious as it looks. It was so much food. We had a moment of sitting at the table and groaning in delicious agony before we stood up.

We then went to OPT. I spoke to a guy, told him my situation, and asked if it was possible to print out an old receipt. He said it was no problem at all. He took my last name, and browsed through the system. The only Saucier on file was Todd. I guess my purchase in 2005 goes too far back for their system. I had momentarily got my hopes up.

I spent a lot of the weekend at my parent’s house, slowly cleaning out the garage. It’s been a complete and utter disaster area in there for over a year. Even with Todd in Portland, I’m still texting him every five minutes with a picture of some random something asking him “Do you want this? Can I throw it away??”

I’ve talked about my choice of theme with my mom a bit now, and I think I’ve got her excited enough to really help out. I’m very excited to really get going, but I’m a bit ahead of myself. I’ve got a lot of things planned out already, but what I’m missing now is one big center-piece of an object to build. It’ll come to me.

I’ve also gotta take it slow because all of this New Years party business may not happen, thanks to the robbery. Depending on what happens with my insurance, any extra money I have throughout the rest of the year may have to go towards replacing all of my stuff. It’s slow going.

I’m gonna go check the locks for the 5th time, then get to bed.

Goodnight Moon.
One step at a time.

Case Number 9018332

Sunday, November 8th, 2009 at 12:19am

Friday morning, while I was at work, someone broke into my apartment. The window screen was cut off the frame, then crawled in through the window. Danny was home, and asleep the whole time. In fact, they actually closed his bedroom door, then just went to town.

They took my iMac, my external hard drive, my MacMini, my PC laptop, all three of my cameras, my first gen iPhone, the Wii and about 20 games… but I’m still finding things missing, so there’s likely more.

Right around noon on Friday I got a text from Danny asking me if I took my computer to work with me. My stomach sank the second I read that and called him right back. He told me he had just woke up, went out in to the living room and saw all of my entertainment center doors wide open and wires pulled out. Then noticed my iMac was gone off my desk in my bedroom. Then he noticed the MacMini was gone too.

I raced home, frantically making phone calls to my parents, while Danny called the police. By the time I got to my place the cop was already there. The longer we stood around giving information the more and more I noticed was missing. My laptop, which was next to my couch. The Wii was gone, and the entire shelf of games was empty. In my bedroom my dresser was almost completely emptied out. Things from within my closet were all pulled out.

I gave a statement to the cop. He was very nice and probably did a lot to help calm me down. I already made a phone call to my insurance place to start the process of filing a claim. I’ve got some paper work to fill out for the police, gathering serial numbers and stuff like that. I should hear back from the insurance company soon, then I’ll have a lot of paper work for them, I’m sure. I’ve already started gathering receipts for some of my things. Thank the banana-god for Apple’s e-mail receipts.

My blog has also helped a lot. I was able to track down approximate purchase dates for my laptop and cameras. That will help when I go to Fry’s and ask them to print out a copy of a receipt for me, which is on my agenda for tomorrow.

As always, the front office of this complex were completely apathetic to my cause. When I went to inform them of the break in, I felt like I was just boring the girl I was talking to. She didn’t really seem to care, or want to know. I told them about the ripped window screen, and she said she’d get it fixed before the end of the day. Which never happened. So I went in this morning and tried again, was told the same thing, and it’s still not fixed. So I get to yell at someone tomorrow. Joy.

So for now, I’m just going through the motions. Outside of the shittiness of having my stuff stolen, it’s also a pain in the ass to have to deal with canceling all of my credit cards, and bank accounts. All of my financial information was on the computer.

I’m trying not to think about the files on the computer, to be honest. That’s where I’ll get really depressed. I’ve got photos going back 10+ years. I was working on an illustration for Emily’s birthday. Ugh… moving on.

And then there’s the on-going fun game of “Discover more things that are missing.” Last night I noticed my pocket knife is gone. That was a birthday gift from Todd. I didn’t even notice my 35mm camera was gone until I started this post.

So, that’s pretty much it for now. As much as I never want to leave my apartment alone again, it really sucks being here… because, well… there’s nothing to do. I had some junker PC machine under a table in the living room that they either didn’t see or decided it was too big to take. I’ve got it all set up on my desk, but it’s only good for digging through e-mails and other small things.

Every time I start to look for something to do, my first though is “Well I can download a few episodes of a new TV show and watch them… oh, wait. Nope.”

So, last night I binged on movies and wine. I watched The Fountain, Lost in Translation, and Hackers… and slowly tackled another bottle of wine. I went to bed around 3 or 4 in the morning… and slept pretty well.

It’s almost midnight right now… and I’m strongly considering a repeat of last night.

Goodnight Moon.
Keep me sane.

Preliminary

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 at 2:35am

I went to bed early last night. Before midnight, even. I’ll half blame the time change (suddenly driving home in the pitch dark, with fog, really skews my sense of time), and I’ll half blame just running out of things to do. I got bored. But the second I climbed into bed, my head started moving a mile a minute about this upcoming New Years party.

I’m going to really start pushing and hounding everyone I know about this party real soon. Trying to get as many commitments as possible. My little heart cannot stand a repeat of this Halloween party business. I briefly talked to Todd today, he’s not sure if he’s going to be here for New Years, but I’d love it of he and Beth could make it. And bring all of their friends, of course. I sent a message to Li-Ling, as I know she’ll be in town for the holidays. Not yet sure if she’ll be here for New Years either. I wonder if I can sweet talk Charrmaine and Jared to come too. And what about… Emily?

There's always a reason for the image I pick.

I suggested to my parents that my Christmas present this year should be to take whatever money they would normally spend on presents for me, and turn that into my budget for the party. Convincing my dad how much of a good idea that is for a present for me might be difficult, but I know my mom already knows. When I go big for these parties, I really go big. I easily spent a few hundred dollars on my Tiki party and Pirate party. Each. Having a budget would be a god send.

My brain was working all day today, too. I went on the treadmill for the first time in a couple weeks, and it went by quicker than usual because the entire time I was thinking about decorations, things to build, how to set up, etc, etc, etc.

The hard part comes in a week or so when I have to shut up. At some point, usually right around when I actually start building things, I’ve gotta remind myself to shut up about what I’m working on. Don’t wanna build it up — any more than I already am, of course.

I’m also in the early stages of comping out a re-design of this ol’ website. I don’t know where I got the urge to do it this time. It sure did sneak up on me suddenly.

Between the website, and planning for this party, I’ve got three art projects going on right now!

The third is a secret. For now.

Goodnight Moon.
Maybe, Someday.

Asphyxia

Monday, November 2nd, 2009 at 2:30am

Turns out I knew quite a few more people at that party than I expected. Sarah and I showed up somewhat early on. Plenty of people were already there, but the vast majority had yet to come. It was at kid named Garret’s house, who I had met for the first time a month ago at the birthday thing at Sarah’s place. I immediately recognized Ted, sitting on the couch in his Tinkerbell costume. I wanted to say “Is it last year already?” but I’m trying to be civil.

I was introduced around a little. The cute gothy girl that was being friendly with me took my picture. It was the perfect opportunity to say “Hey, here’s my e-mail to send me a copy of that,” but I sure as shit don’t have the guts for any kind of anything like that. So the rest of the night we continued to make small bits of eye contacts, maybe a smile here or there, but I certainly didn’t talk to her any more. Because… I mean… I left my balls at home.

Later in the night more and more familiar faces showed up. All part of the current Borders crew, who I’ve only met once or twice at other parties. One guy I met said “Oh, you’re Chris Saucier. I’ve heard the stories about you.” There’s an entire rainbow of stories he could be referring to.

Sam and his buddies brought over a huge (ten-gallon!) Home Depot water cooler full of a special drink they call Apple Pie. I was told to go slow on it as it’s key ingredient is Baccardi 151 (a kind of rum I hadn’t yet experienced). When Sarah found out I was on my third Apple Pie (after previous glasses of rum and vodka), she insisted I stop. “Shit dude, you’re driving!” to be more accurate.

So from about 2 in the morning on I was drinking my water, and judging by the size of the headache I had this morning, it wasn’t even close to enough. Things started to really slow down after 2 or 3 in the morning. It was kind of hard to keep track of the time due to the time change right in the middle of the damn thing.

We didn’t leave until around 3:30 (which was actually 4:30), and by the time I got home and unscrewed myself, I was crawling into bed at around 4:30 (which was actually 5:30).

I woke up many times, drank more water, and went right back to sleep. It was about 2 in the afternoon by the time I got out of bed. The first thing I did was throw on enough clothes to be considered decent and went to Jack In The Box and stuffed my face with the greasiest burger I could find. And cheese sticks, just to be safe.

I apparently didn’t learn my lesson from last Halloween. The only two hangovers I’ve had, have been on November 1st. Imagine that.

All in all, it was an okay night. Certainly better than staying home alone, knee deep in empty wine bottles (which I assure you was the only other option I had). I just couldn’t help but feel like the quiet guy right outside the conversation circle that no one talked to, except when he chimed in with stories about bleeding nipples, or cross-dressing Randall… because, well… that’s what I was.

Goodnight Moon.
Nothing at all.