Maybe-Someday.com

Wednesday, December 31st, 2008 at 12:36am

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Well, it’s been entirely too long since last time. Outside of this stupid head-cold I’ve had for a few days, I don’t really have much in the way of excuses for my delay.

The obligatory post-christmas gift list…

Lots of wine gifts from many people. Normal people might see that as evidence of me having a problem, but… nah. Two bottles of wine, lots of cool wine stoppers, and a fancy bottle opener. Two wine stoppers (the only two that actually work, mind you) came from Emily. Sinner and Saint themed little metal doo-dads. They are pretty rad, even though I totally thought they were some bizzare sex toy when I first unwrapped them. Danny got me a new set of silverware to replace the cheapy Ikea stuff. My parents got me some little things like new towels (which I needed), some candy, a skull and cross bones ice tray, little toys… oh, and a home theater set!!!

Mallory got me a very fancy wine rack that can hold up to 6 bottles. It adds a much needed touch of class to my baron kitchen. She also got me a cool air-hockey table thingie that I’m looking forward to bringing into work. And a Bettie Page light switch cover, which I chuckled at, at first… but am actually pretty excited to install it.

In addition to the sex-toy wine stoppers, Emily also got me “The Complete Idiots Guide to Cooking — For Men” which is pretty hilarious. And a hand-written cookbook of some recipes that are right up my alley. Things like meatloaf and mozzarella sticks, and other manly meals. It’s very adorable, and I loves it.

Bethany gave me a much less insulting cookbook, but also one that is aimed at beginners. So, I’ve got a lot of cooking to do!!

I did a lot of research before picking out the home theater set, and I’m so far very happy with what I picked out. It’s a very sexy beast and looks great with all my other devices. I’ve long since had quite an affinity for Samsung products, and this last round of purchases (HDTV, DVD player, Audio Receiver) has not let me down at all. They are pretty, and work very well with each other. I’m very excited to have a loud movie night… and oooh, Lost nights! Gonna be amazing.

On Saturday I went up to Disneyland with Alex and Meghan to meet up with Li-Ling and her cronies (Marleena, Marc, Katrina). It was tons of fun, as it always is going with that crew. Li-Ling greeted Alex and I with home made stuffed animals. I got an adorable black and red bunny (with a tie!) and Alex got a round chubby penguin. So damn cute.

The park was pretty packed, and we didn’t make it up there until pretty late in the afternoon, so we didn’t get a chance to do all that much. Still, it was good times to just hang out in lines and be silly. Which we all did a lot of… see Exhibit A

Every time I hang out with Li-Ling I realize just how much I miss hanging out with her more often. Stupid Albany! I’m crossing my fingers that she will have some time to have a one-on-one dinner session before she goes back. We could always stand for some deep convos over some Red Robin burgers!

I’m completely off work until the 5th. So much free time, and not a lot of plans to kill it with. Tomorrow is the big NYE. It seems I’ll be hanging out with Mallory for the night, and I am very thankful of that. My previous plans were to just go to bed at ten and make lots of “whiney emo tweets.” I’m sad that both my x-mas party and new years party has fallen through. I could probably over analyze all of that, but I know I shouldn’t. So I won’t.

I’ve actually got two packages to mail out soon. Left over x-mas gifts that I just couldn’t ship out in time. One for Emily and one for Charrmaine. Although, it’s starting to look like maybe Charr is coming to town sooner rather than later. Maybe I’ll wait to deliver in person!

I’m toying with the idea of rearranging some furniture in my livingAwesome Room tomorrow. Kind of a major project if I go through with it. It would to make more room for the new set up. Everything is getting kinda cramped. And I could really use a re-tidy-up of the wires back there. We’ll see how I feel in the morning.

Well, that’ll do it for now. Things keep moving along slowly and steadily. I can’t get you out of my head, and I can’t keep you in.

Oh, confusing times indeed.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008 at 9:47pm

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My would-be x-mas cards. Printing guys screwed it up, and it was way too dark. The sky was black, instead of the nice calm grey. Oh well. Next year.

In any event…

I hope everybody out there has a very happy Christmas!!

Fuck the economy — presents all around!

Sunday, December 21st, 2008 at 7:04pm

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Every week I fight the urge to storm out of that house and go home.

Now that I have, I have to go back.

I don’t even recognize these people anymore.

Saturday, December 20th, 2008 at 1:28am

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This month has been brutal.

I quickly realized it was just better to shut up about the day-to-day whine-fest, than to rant my fingers off every night on here. Taking advice from Thumper: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

I can’t believe it’s already 1 in the morning. I’m wide awake and full of energy. I’ve been in the mood to do some web coding designing lately. That may very well end up meaning a new layout for this site… but I’ll try to keep myself under control and maybe try to refine some bits and pieces here and there.

I put up some Christmas decorations on the site… I’m kinda over them and ready for it to go back to normal. I have a small white fake tree that’s on my book case that I photographed for new background images. It belonged to my grandma… I bought it for her when she was in the hospital.

It’s the only tree I’m going to have in my apartment this year (because Danny refused to have any part in Christmas). And since my own little Christmas party got canceled (ahem..), my apartment can be as undecorated as possible without anyone the wiser.

I have 4 more shopping days before Christmas, and my list is still very empty. Lots of drama surrounding gifts for my parents this year. They are both insisting we don’t buy them anything. It’s not the usual “You don’t need to get us anything,” so much as a “Don’t. Buy. Us. Anything.” So I don’t know what I’m getting them yet.

We did a very cool Secret Santa at the office all week long. The deal was that we are to put small gifts on their desk all week long, and a bigger gift on Friday, trying to keep the whole under $25 (which I’m pretty sure no one did). It was quite fun. My giftee (AKA: “child”) was James. I was quite thrilled to have pulled his name. Double thrilled considering I had to beg to pull a second name because the first name I pulled was the one person in the office who I actively didn’t like.

I went to Target and Borders and bought a few random toys and games and odd things and put a new one on his desk every day. He swears he had no idea it was me. On Wednesday, he shot and edited a short movie (all while at work, of course) as a Lost-inspired “tribute” to his Santa — ie: me!

It makes me giggle every time I watch it. The man is pure comic-gold, and I hope to hell he gets in the routine of making more little sketch videos like that.

My gifter (AKA: “Santa”) was Marke! Very slim odds that out of an office of about 15 people, we would all seem to pick each other. On Monday, I came back from lunch with a copy of Dark Knight sitting on my desk. I was, of course, very yay. I figured who ever my Santa was, was going to just get me one DVD and be done with it. And shit, I was fine with that!

I was pretty convinced that my Santa was another girl at the end of the office. But I was wrong. Today at our big company potluck, Marke handed me season three of How I Met Your Mother — double yay! Very cool gifts. I definitely lucked out with him picking me.

The other kinda funny/big thing that happened this month was the start and end of my first freelance job. Before Thanksgiving I was in talks with a girl about creating a logo for a handheld magnifier called a “Smart Mag.” She told me she would look at my portfolio online and get back to me with details, and that it was a very time sensitive project that had to be completed by Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving came and went I didn’t hear back from her, so I just assumed she didn’t like my portfolio (which I don’t blame her for… that website is horrid) and went elsewhere.

Well, I got a call from her at the beginning of the month saying she’s still interested and this and that. I told her I’d get to work, send her some comps, and all of the usual process stuff. About 2 days before these comps were to be sent to her, she e-mails me and asks how it’s going. I tell her I’ve got some good ideas that I’m excited to show off, and some fun designs using an eye (it’s a magnifying glass — duh).

She replies with “no eyeballs” for some reason. Too “passe.” She also manages to tell the dimensions of how she pictured the logo being used: “2.5cc by 3.7cc.” I didn’t bother correcting her that a “cc” is a unit of measurement for liquid. I don’t think she even meant “cm” as 2.5cm is still awful small for a logo. I just ignored it.

I also ignored it when she kept misspelling her own name. Sometimes it was Bobbi. Other times it was Bobbie.

Anyway. I send her 8 comps, with explanations of my reasons of type choice, color, placement, the whole nine. Some of them used an image of an eyeball because, shit, I was more than half done by the time she said no. But I also thought she was being stupid for not wanting eyes used. So I gave even gave her two case studies about similar industries, trying to talk some sense to her. This was a huge e-mail I spent a few hours working on. I haven’t written that much or put that much thought into a project since school.

Two hours later I get an e-mail back saying she thinks we are not right for this project. That she doesn’t want to read that much. And that (and this is my favorite part), quote: “This should not take a week if you have experience with custom design logos.”

So. Yeah. I just replied with a quick “I’m sorry you feel that way. We are indeed not suited for this. Good luck.” Some of my friends tried to throw in far more colorful words, and I sure was tempted. “Cuntface” was a big contender for a while.

The lesson was learned… one I knew before I started, and was too timid to push. Pencil doesn’t touch paper before I’m paid something.

Okay, well. This has gone on long enough. If my mood swings too much back to the negative, this might be the last post of the year. Who knows. Let’s not hold our breaths.

Goodnight Moon.
I miss you more than I should.

Tuesday, December 16th, 2008 at 12:34am

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The reason I haven’t updated in well over a week is simply because I don’t have anything worth updating for.

Life is going on, slowly, day by day, unchanged, and ever boring. That’s really all there is to it.

Somehow, Christmas became only 9 days away. Out of the about 15 presents I need to buy for people, I’ve already purchased zero. I’m obviously a little stressed about that. I may end up just focusing on the family’s gifts first, then exchange presents with the rest of my friends after Christmas. It’s very likely I won’t see many of them beforehand, anyway.

Anyway… trying to write this post is like trying to squeeze water out of a rock. So, I’m just gonna get to bed.

On: Sugar Is Sweeter, Home, Precious Things, Digital Bath, The Origin of Love, Provider, Simple and Clean, You Are The One.

Off: Dirty Epic, Something Isn’t Right, Slow Down, Good Day.

Six years ago today…

Three years ago today…

Goodnight Moon.
Living In The Past.

Saturday, December 13th, 2008 at 12:40am

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I know it’s been way too long since my last post. I’ve been trying to find the motivation. Also, I’ve been trying to find the right mind set so the whole post isn’t just “whine whine whine.”

Things are okay. Not great, not bad. Just… the usual.

I’m just gonna get through this month, then really start to work on myself. A little cliché to start self improvement projects in January, but hey. I gotta start somewhere.

A real post tomorrow night. I promise.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Thursday, December 4th, 2008 at 12:50am

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As in “Here’s…”

I’ve been really, very depressed. I don’t really know why, what started it, where it came from—any of those little facts that would help alleviate some of it. I know it started right around Thanksgiving, and that’s about it.

I also know that I got a “Maybe it is time you go to a doctor…” from just about everyone. It was/is serious.

I’m a little hesitant to speak of this in the past tense. I am feeling quite a bit better today, and tonight especially, however I’d like to just hang on a little bit longer and see where this goes.

So, Thanksgiving. I expected about a 5.5 on a scale of 10, and that’s what I got. Maybe it was a self fulfilling prophecy, or maybe not.

It used to be one of my favorite holidays because it used to be a big extended family thing. A few years back it became more difficult to get together for Thanksgiving, and then a month later for Christmas, so it became just an immediate family thing, and has been ever since.

I’m always pushing for more family time (in fact, I am probably the only one), but somewhere along the line Thanksgiving stopped feeling like a “holiday.” I no longer live at that house, but I’m there at least once a week, so I don’t even get that feeling of “coming home.” It’s just one extra dinner with the family that week. I guess, it just doesn’t really feel special. Which is fine, I suppose. Maybe I need to adjust my expectations about the day.

Then, of course, there’s the matter of… well, I don’t really get along well with my family. My brothers rifle off joke after joke about what a… joke I am, I guess. My dad only talks to me if there is a bill to be paid, or argue debate talk politics, which we will never see eye-to-eye on. I get along well with my mom most of the time, but she can be hard to talk to sometimes. Made worse when she suggests I start going to a dating service to find a girlfriend in front of everyone else. Meh.

I’m hesitant to use that old high school era word “outcast,” but dammit… I just don’t fit in. I don’t get along.

In some round about way, I am assuming this is where my depression has stemmed from. Not so much family, but just…

When I moved out of my parents house, I don’t think I moved far enough away. I’m a 15 minute drive from their place, and I see them once a week. There is something obviously nice about being that close to my parents. However, it’s left me feeling like I didn’t really move out, so much as just moved away.

Or maybe it’s the other way around, I don’t really know.

But what I’m getting at, is that I don’t feel like I’m on my own at all. I’m just living in another house. Maybe I’m splitting hairs, or maybe I’m just complaining about what I have (as I’m told I tend to do).

Part of the call to LA is not so much the city itself. Hell, I admit that city isn’t really a prime destination spot. Sure, I’ve got two of my best friends up there… but what’s really calling me is just getting further away from home. To truly feel on my own.

Sounds weird coming from my mouth, given that I’m so afraid of being alone. I’m aware of that. I’ve said it a few times now, but living along would be simultaneously the most amazing thing and frightening thing I can do for myself right now. As much as I would hate it, I think it’s something I need to do.

This painting by Shag has absolutely no relevance to this post. But it’s pretty.

This is where the conversation turns into “well, why don’t you?” kind of conversation, which I’m not ready to have just yet. The short answer is money. The long answer is money and time. Maybe I’ll get back to that some other day.

So, I’ve been in hiding this week. More or less, I guess. Work tends to be the same, because I can’t really hide much there. But I’ve been staying off the radar, to the best of my ability. AIM, Twitter, Facebook to a minimum. I’ve exchanged maybe a total of 10 texts with Mallory since Sunday night, which has just never happened before. Today/tonight has been that exception because, as I said, I feel like I may be rounding a corner here.

But this alone time has been… pretty great, actually. I’m spending a lot of time with my friend Television. He and I don’t really see much of each other, but it’s been good to catch up. Watching my weird TV shows (Fringe: WTF?) and weird movies (Perfume: WTF!!).

Last night, I got my t-shirt bizz up and running again. I’ve already sold two t-shirts, so… yay! I’m feeling extra motivated to get at least one new design in the store by the end of January. Bad economy be dammed.

I also sent my Christmas cards off to the printer tonight. Yet another project I swore I would do year after year after year.

So, shit. Progress, man.

There’s always more to say, but this will have to do for tonight.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Monday, December 1st, 2008 at 10:39pm

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Spread all around him lay nothing but the tranquil scent of dead stone.

There was something sacred about this place. No longer distracted by external senses, he was finally able to bask in his own existence.

And he found it splendid.

Five years ago today…

Goodnight Moon.