Maybe-Someday.com

Once again, SDCC is over. I came, I saw, and I had my ass handed to me. I am super pooped right now and can’t wait to slide between those sheets behind me.

I managed to see everyone I wanted to see, and avoid everyone I didn’t want to see. Can’t argue with that! Sat in on 3 panels, didn’t buy a lot (which is bittersweet), had some fairly decent food, and of course had lots of good times.

The Lost panel Saturday morning was pretty great. I felt bad for not letting strongly suggesting against Mallory going. I’ve been super strict and paranoid about spoilers, and it was a given that being in the panel would ruin the rest of the next season and a half for her. The questions asked by everyone during the Q&A session were pretty pathetic, actually. But seeing Damon and Carlton (and Matthew Fox) in the flesh was great. Plus the little Dharma Initiative interruptions were pretty great.

Today, to make up for the Lost panel, I sat through a panel for Supernatural with Mallory. She’s hooked on the show, and I think it’s quite silly. But I wanted to make it up for ditching her for Lost, so I sat through it. Politely. And even though I still hate the show, I’m kind of glad I went because I feel I now have far more a solid reason to dislike it. The director man is a jerk to the cast, and an even bigger jerk to the fans.

I bought an art book from an artist I’ve really been liking lately, Ragnar. He autographed it and drew a little girlie face in it. I lucked out at the Sideshow collectables booth and got a $15 gift card. Mallory got one for $75. Having no use for it, she gave it to me. And I fully intend to buy a Ragnar vinyl figure, that I wanted since last ComicCon. So, that worked out way nicely. Those are the only two things I bought this Con.

I think, going forward, I’d like to maybe dedicate the last day of con (or the first? I don’t know) to going by myself. I feel bad dragging who ever I’m with around, having to pause to look at random things, or stopping to take photos. I’d kinda like the freedom to roam, without feeling guilty about it all. Reminds me a lot of being at Disneyland with a group of people when I get hit with the urge to take some photos. I feel like a puttz putting everyone else on hold while Chris gets his artsyfarts on.

I managed to run into Adam, which was a pleasant surprise! Adam and Joel were together, and Mal and I ran into them towards the end of Friday. We chatted for a good long while, and made plans to hang at Joel’s later. By the time that rolled around, both of us were mighty haggard. Mallory had been fighting nausea all day long, and it all came back once we got to Joel’s so we didn’t end up staying very long at all. Which I feel pretty bad about. I would have gone back, after taking her home, if I wasn’t so damn tired.

Seriously. So. Exhausted.

I’ve got a lot of photos from all 3 days up on my Flickr, including those god damned creepy girls. My favorite photo from ComicCon… this guy, reading porno in line for the Supernatural panel next to us.

Tomorrow is a new week, and with it…. new challenges.

One year ago tomorrow.

Goodnight Moon.

SDCC Day One:

• Show floor is just as crowded (yet still awesome) as I ever remember. Distinct lack of ConFunk, but maybe I’m just getting used to it.
• The Dharma Initiative booth is kinda…… freaky.
• Not as freaky as this. (Not my photo… but the one I took of those two looks identical. Freaky, I tell you.)
• My first panel ever, one on Ghostbuster, with Dan Aykroyd… was canceled.
• The next panel was Ghost Hunters, with Jason and Grant!!
• Jason and Grant “couldn’t make it,” but still had crew guys I didn’t really know. Mini-yay.
• Saw Samuel L Jackson, Seth Rogan, and Simon Pegg walking around.
• Ran into Adam (yay!!) and Joel! Hung out for two hours, got caught up.
• Didn’t end up buying anything on day one — which I consider a good thing. Budget wisely.
• Panel for Lost tomorrow at noon. Meet up with Todd and Beth. Gonna be great!!

God I’m fucking tired….

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Gotta love all these Mac Apps that help me get my shit done. I’m now blogging using a new program called MarsEdit, which is pretty damn sweet.

Comic Con 2k8 is breathing down my neck, and I’ve yet to have any reaction. It’s confusing the hell out of me, quite honestly. I spend so much time during the year looking forward to this madness of geekitude, and now that it’s actually here, I’m a little… “meh” about it.

I’m blaming my work load. There is just a shit load of stuff to be done, and taking days off during the busiest month is not helping matters at all. Last time I took a Friday off to go to Disneyland with Alex, I accidently left with work unfinished. It was kind of a big deal, and I unintentionally threw a wrench in an already overworked machine. So, now I’m super paranoid and extra careful to make sure all loose ends are tied up before taking another day off.

I’m also missing out on a really cool event Charrmaine invited me to, due to newfound fear of taking days off. It’s an “Academy Event,” as in “The Academy of Motion Pictures and whatever-the-fuck-the-rest-of-that-title-is.” A seminar on sound mixing, and things and stuff that is generally over my head, but it sounded really cool.

Anyway. Comic Con 2k9. I’ll be going Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The big Lost panel is on Saturday, and I’m gonna try my damnedest to get into that. I know it fills up stupid fast. Todd and Beth went for preview night tonight, and from what I heard it was a mad house of people.

I think as soon as I get around those hot cosplay girls, and get a whiff of the trademark “ConFunk,” I’ll start to feel right at home and liven up.

Until then… Forward, March.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On

It’s like that old anecdote about the frog. Little by little, the water reaches boiling and the poor frog never realizes it until he’s cooked alive.

Little by little, my life has changed (or more accurately, not changed) until suddenly I realize I am completely miserable with everything I have (or more accurately, don’t have).

When we sing this song without words… And dance this dance without steps.

Once again I started feeling the itch of Las Angeles. Or, more accurately… North. I remember, not too long ago, saying so clearly “all roads point north.” And I ignored it. And stayed right here. Little by little, I’m feeling like there’s nothing left for me where I am (that is not meant to be taken personally, oh friends of mine. i’m thinking big picture here).

Nothing has changed. What happened to the big storm that was going to come and shake up my life? I kept waiting when I should have been making waves.

There’s not a lot of sand left in the hourglass. And I don’t have a plan for when it’s empty.

So, I clearly need a game plan. Before that, I need a goal. I need to figure out exactly what it is I’m after… instead of this “I don’t know what I want, but I know I’m not happy” bullshit. Same old song. Same old dance. Old. Old. Old. Old. Old…

No, really. I’m fine.

Goodnight Moon.
Right beside you.

This was one of the businest weekends I’ve had in some time. While it may not have been the smartest thing for me to have done, I have no regrets. You only live once.

I took Friday off and went up to Disneyland with Alex for her birthday. It was a really, really good day! The weather was very cooperative, the park wasn’t too crowded, we rode everything on our list at least once, and we ate some delicious food. Boy did we ever. Monte Cristo sandwiches, Mickey beignets, mint juleps… and that was just lunch! We spent over two hours at Pizza Port talking about everything under the sun (but mostly politics) over a plate of that delicious pasta I love so much. Oh my! It was truly a great day.

We stayed up at Disneyland until midnight, and slowly made our way back home. I was in bed just a few minutes before 3 in the morning, only to wake up five hours later and do the whole thing over again!

Mallory and Tiffany met me at my place, and we drove up to Hollywood to spend the day running around. The original plan was to have Carrie, Sarah and Natalie ride up with me in the big Soccer Mom Mobile, but that all fell through last minute. They drove up separately (this was a major source of drama for the first part of the day…). The three of us had about an hour to walk around Hollywood and Highland for a while before meeting up with the other 3 girls at Pink’s.

Now, I’ve never heard of this Pink’s hot dog place until a few weeks ago. Lots of hype surrounds them, with their line that wraps around the building at any hour of the day. So, I stood in line for an hour and a half for a hot dog, all the while afraid this might just turn out to be another Krispy Kreme situation. Sure, they’re great doughnuts, but the hype built it up way beyond. However — good god! That was a very good hot dog! Nacho cheese chili cheese dog. For the fucking win!

After that, we all made our way back to The El Capitan to buy our tickets and to catch up with Charrmaine. We were able to get a little one-on-one time for a few minutes, which is always a treat. Later, there was some… fun times (for lack of a more accurate word) while in line, involving much awkwardness between Mallory and I. I think we can all laugh about it now… right? Right.

Wall-E, that movie. God damn. I won’t talk much about it (until I make my “Pixar is the greatest fucking company on Earth post at a later date), but I will say…. holy shit. I cried. So. Many. Times.

Not always because of plot stuff — many times because of grandma stuff.

After the movie, the group of us finally accomplished our goal we set out to do about three years ago! To finish a “Mickey’s Masterpiece” at the ice cream shop next door. 8 scoops of ice cream, three toppings (including marshmallow creme!), and an entire can of whipped cream, all served in a giant Mickey sorcerer’s hat. Did we eat the whole thing? You better believe it.

Everyone took off to meander throughout the store, while Charrmaine and I stayed behind and got more chatting time in. We have so much to talk about, and it was good to tackle some of it. I can’t wait until I get to go up and spend the day again up there. I also really need to take Tera out for a night and fun… and lots of drinks.

Today was much slower (thank goodness) but still eventful. I got a lot of cleaning done around here, some laundry, and dishes and other silly domestic stuff. Mallory came over for a little while to finish up the last three episodes of season two of Lost. We ate pizza, which I have decided will be the last of junky food for one week (one more of the many little challenges I’m giving myself). Later, Todd, Beth and Pilot came over to play some Guitar Hero with us. Danny refused to come out of his room.

This next week will need to be much less eventful while I recover. Sounds like a good excuse to just stay home and watch movies, right?

Right.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

“It is clear that I must find my other half. But is it a he or a she? What does this person look like? Identical to me? Or somehow complimentary? Does my other half have what I don’t? Did he get the looks? The luck? The love? Were we really separated forceably or did he just run off with the good stuff? Or did I?

Oh, you know it’s a depressing night when I start a post with a Hedwig quote.

There was definitely a blue note cast upon today. I might even be willing to say it’s been all week long. There seems to be (as there usually is) a confusing mixture of so much going on at once, while being so bored with nothing to do.

This is, in part, due to this damned apartment and the company I keep. To be more specific, the lack of company I keep. Coming home to this place… alone, empty, dark. It eats away at me sometimes. I’ve been saying it for a lifetime, and being told otherwise for what feels like longer: I am not meant to be alone. I cannot handle it. I wish I could go further into this topic, but to be perfectly honest, I’m just too embarrassed about it.

I need to keep a level head in the coming months. Make sure the reasons behind my actions are just.

I’m giving myself the rest of this week to continue these feelings, and then they need to end. Good god, I really need this weekend.

“Get a cat,” she said.

Goodnight, Moon.
Deny me and be doomed.

Feels like I’ve been putting this off for a while now. No real reason… Just been getting tired earlier in the evening.

My fourth of July was pretty great. I cleaned up my apartment nice and spotless like. Mallory came over early afternoon, and we made our way through two more episodes of Lost, and played a few rounds of YDKJ. Tiffany and Carrie came over a little later, followed by Amanda. A few more people were supposed to come over, but seemed to cancel last minute. I had so much food for so few people! The five of us played a round of Scene It, hung out and chatted. Had a few drinks, lots of laughs. Mallory and I made a couple awkward (but not really) ex-jokes, and referred to each other as “roomie” a few times… all in the name of a laugh, of course. All in all, it was a super good evening.

The next day was also pretty relaxing. Nothing too major. A few more episodes of Lost, and more chats and good times. I even… persuaded her into a late night run to Denny’s for some fried food, which I happened to really be craving. I need to get her in the habit of doing that more often, cuz I could really get used to that.

I gave myself a couple goals for this big weekend, and I’m very happy that I’ve met them both. I remodeled my bedroom enough to make it feel pretty brand new. I cleaned up the living room quite a lot (even had my mom come over to help clean the carpet!). And I managed to work on a few creative projects of my own. I tinkered with my website a little (there are now 40 different background images when you visit my site). I worked a little more on that old octopus illustration that I haven’t touched in over a month. And I even started working (a little) on a logo for Marke and James’s record label, “For Skinny Steve.”

Each of these things aren’t too major in and of themselves. Taken together, though, it’s a pretty big step in the right direction for me. Right now, it’s more about building new habits, and changing old ones. Not a very easy task.

The other bigger goal I gave myself a week ago was to stop drinking soda, of any kind. I did this for a month or two a long time ago, and have tried many times since to start again… with no luck. I’m glad to say that the last time I had any soda was last Sunday night. This will, very likely, become more and more easy the longer I do it. Lots of water, iced tea, and yummy new G2 Gatorade stuff Mallory turned me on to. Go me!

There are a few other “personal development” kind of goals I’ve been setting for myself. I’ve been doing really well on all of them, too. It’s pretty good to be me right now. The one I am struggling most is something I plan to go into more depth in another post…

Today is Charrmaine’s birthday. I sent her a text, but never got around to making a phone call. I am a bad friend, I fear. Hopefully I can make my way up there soon and take her out to a nice dinner, and get sloshed on long islands again. Happy Birthday, Charrmaine!!

Since moving my bed to the other side of the room, I’ve been having very vivid dreams. Every night so far. Some kind of variation of being chased. It’s kind of crazy how the location of my bed can change things around that much. The more I think about it, the more I’m pretty sure I never had one single dream (as vivid as the ones I’ve been having lately) when my bed is where it used to be. What does it all mean?!

“We’re an even match, and we don’t fight fair.”

Goodnight Moon.
These Scars Run Deep

I am smack dab in the middle of a nice, big weekend. 4 1/2 days, really. We all left work at about 1:00 yesterday, and I’ve been trying my best to party it up, since.

After work, I came home to clean up a little bit, a few small errands, then picked up Mallory to go down to Ikea. We walked around for a while, getting more and more inspired. I was looking for a new desk, to replace the monstrosity that was my old desk. I ended up buying something fairly cheap, and small — which is just what I was looking for. After Ikea, we got some pizza, brought it back to my place, and watched a few episodes of Lost. Always good times.

Today was pretty intense. I moved everything out of my bedroom (including furniture) and cleaned and vacuumed everything. Put together my new desk (love it!), and then moved all my furniture back in. See, my old desk was such a behemoth that it dictated the layout in the rest of my room. Having such a small desk – more like a table, really – helps so much to free up space. So, my bedroom is pretty awesome right now. I’ve even started to (finally) hang some artwork.

Going through my stack of frames and art was a bit of a mistake. I have about a dozen pieces of art that are still packed up and need to be framed. It makes me really want to go out and buy frames… but I’m so broke right now. I’ll just have to keep it in the back of my mind, and maybe buy one frame a paycheck or something.

There’s still more redecorating I’m thinking about doing. It’s hard to decide right now if I’m redecorating because it will make the room better, or if it’s just something for me to do. Maybe a little bit of both, yeah? Yeah.

I was very happy to hear that my apartment was volunteered for a small 4th of July party tomorrow night. The Fourth is probably my least favorite holiday. I’ve never done much on it, and it’s never been a big deal to me. But hell, it’s as good excuse as any to have a bunch of friends come over.

I’m mostly excited because this party is a huge step towards making things more “normal” between Mal and I. Things between her and me are pretty close to 100% right now, but when other friends get tossed into the mix the numbers start to drop. It will be interesting to see how it all goes down.

Mallory and I were talking about how long it’s been since we last saw Joel.

“Hey Joel! Since I last saw you, Mallory and I dated, broke up, made up, and made plans to move in together.”

Okay, I admit it. I love invoking reactions out of people like that.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Against my better judgment, I went ahead and tried it again.

After making the post about the weird stuff I do before bed, I wasn’t really sure what was going to happen. Would it somehow alleviate everything? Would I be cured? More in an attempt to prove it to myself, I knocked on my headboard. I did this Sunday and Monday night. Sure enough, Monday and Tuesday provided a lot of random drama tension between two of my good friends… of which I’d still rather not talk about. Point being — I still can’t knock on my headboard.

Mallory and I moving in together seemed to be another big topic of discussion today. I suppose it’s just gonna keep coming in waves for a while. But I don’t really have anything new to say about it. I agree, there’s potential for bad shit to go down. However, there’s even more potential for things to be pretty awesome. Plus, we’re talking five months down the line. There aren’t too many friends of mine I really think I could stand to live with. I don’t want to miss out on something that could be great.

Once again, I’m finding myself with a strong need to pick up some freelance work. In my head, the first step is to redesign my portfolio website. Although, I’m pretty sure that’s just a self-created speed bump to postpone… change. Maybe that can be my 4th of July weekend project, since I am now too broke to buy furniture.

I had a good conversation at work today about musicals. I miss them, and I really want to catch a few of them in the coming months. I’m especially excited for A Chorus Line. And, I’d give just about anything to see Blast one more time…

Goodnight Moon.
C’est la Vie