Maybe-Someday.com

Posted on February 8th, 2010 at 1:03am

Quite a lot has changed.

I’ll start with the good. All three of my upcoming trips are now officially happening. Plane tickets for Portland have been purchased, and I leave next weekend. Plane tickets for SXSW in March have also been purchased, and I’ll be spending a good 5 days in Austin, TX at the Design(but-also-music-and-film) festival. Lastly, the roadtrip to Arizona at the beginning of March is a for-sure happening now, too.

Portland, OR: Danny and I will be flying up on the 13th. The same day, my parents will start their drive up to Portland. This will give Danny and I a day or two to hang out with Todd and Beth without the parents. Then when the parents arrive, it’ll take on a more family-vacation vibe, I’m sure. Thursday (I think…) is when we all leave, Danny and I driving back down with the my mom and dad. Not sure how awesome the drive back home is going to be, but we’ll soon find out.

Austin, TX: Before Jamie quit, he and Marke were going to go to South By Southwest in the middle of March on the company’s dollar. A big web design/development conference that has also become a hot-bed for indie bands and films to debut (or maybe it was the other way around, I really don’t know). After Jamie quit, I raised my hand and said I’d like to go. And now the rooms are booked, the tickets purchased, and the registration submitted. It will just be Marke and I going (and I think we’re sharing a room too). It should be a lot of fun, and may just be the kick in my ass I need to get my butt in gear and back into designer-mode. I’ve become such a lazy slob lately. I think I really need this.

Also, there is a slim chance that I will actually meet Emily at some point during this trip! If it doesn’t end up happening, I’m pretty sure we can make it happen sometime else this year. So far I seem to be doing pretty good with saying something and following through.

Bisbee, AZ: The first weekend in March, Sarah and I will be making the trek to Bisbee to see Charrmaine! It will be absolutely amazing, I already know. The current plan is to leave Thursday evening, after work. Road trip. I’m told it will be about a seven or eight hour drive. We’ll maybe split the driving right down the middle. Those kinds of details ain’t worked out yet.

On the way back, we will be making a pit-stop at Sarah’s friend’s house in Phoenix. An old friend of Sarah’s I’ve never met, and have been properly warned about. It should prove to be very interesting.

Suddenly, I’ve become quite the little traveler. Making up for all this lost time, maybe?

As for the things that have changed that fall under the “bad” category. I am, in fact, moving back home with my parents.

Friday night I popped my head into Danny’s room to tell him about the upcoming trips in March and how he’ll be having the place to himself. Our lease is up at the end of February, but we (sorta) agreed to do the month-to-month thing once, and stay until the end of March. But after I told Danny about these trips in March he said he doesn’t want to pay month-to-month, and would rather move out at the end of February.

He also told me that he, too, plans to be moving back home with the parents.

At this time, I had already decided that moving back home was no longer an option. My happiness (and sanity) is far more important than my financial well being. I had figured that I had until the end of March before any solid decision had to be made on my part. However, now I’m learning that I only have until the end of February.

Of which one week is spent out of town. And since I can’t look for a place to live on a weekday while I’m at work, that realistically left me with only five or six actual days to make arrangements. Which, suffice to say, wasn’t going to happen.

So, tail between the legs and all, I’ll be going back to my parents. The plan, as it stands now (and seems to be ever changing), is stay at my parents’ house for one or two months, then figure out what’s going to happen. I’ll be putting the most of my stuff in storage, trying to not even unpack. I keep saying, the more uncomfortable I am there, the better off I’ll be. The last thing I want to do is actually unpack and move in. I’ll never move back out.

I’m telling myself that this is the best solution, given all my available options. And that may actually be true. Between these three trips I’m taking (of which they are all one week apart from each other), I could use the money I save from not paying rent in March. I’ll save up three or four paychecks (trying my damnedest not to buy big expensive things…. like a 27″ iMac that is calling my name…) and then get my ass out of that house.

As far as that goes… The current plan (and certainly not yet set in stone… or even styrofoam, for that matter) is to get a place with Sarah in a few months. I’ve brought it up to her a few times now, and she seems to be pretty keen on the idea. She’s trying to get out of her place too, so as soon as she’s ready, I’m ready.

So, there’s going to be some rough water ahead, it seems. These trips of mine will be awesome, and help keep me afloat, I’m sure. But, once they are over mid-March, I’ll be “stuck” at that house with no more escapes. I’ve gotta figure something out.

It’ll all work out, right?

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Posted on January 31st, 2010 at 11:31pm

You can’t go back home to your family, back home to your childhood … back home to a young man’s dreams of glory and of fame … back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time — back home to the escapes of Time and Memory

My dad, of all people, brought that quote to my attention. Fittingly enough, during a conversation about moving back home. It started with a simple question, whether or not he was okay with the idea. It turned into a huge discussion about too many topics to even remember. It wasn’t an argument, or any kind of fight. Simply a discussion. But… it was enough to make up my mind. I just can’t live in that house again. Absolute last resort.

So I talked to Sarah about the possibility of getting a place together when my lease runs out. I knew going in it was a long shot, but it couldn’t hurt to ask. She seemed rather interested, and while we didn’t talk much about it aside from just putting the thought into her head, she didn’t outright say no. I’ve got a short list of people I could stand to live with, and I told her that she was the first on that list. We’ll see where it goes, but something tells me I should be working on a Plan B.

This isn’t where I should be right now.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream on.

Posted on January 25th, 2010 at 1:10am

I miss my computer. With the insurance money, I bought a MacBook Pro. I’ve also got a new 25″ monitor to hook it up to. It should feel just like sitting at my old iMac desktop… but it doesn’t. It’s really bothersome. Makes me feel like I miss-spent 2.5 grand. Whenever I try to sit down and do something more than just chat with friends on it, I’m just reminded of how different it feels. I’m not getting used to it, and it’s really frustrating.

My lease is up in a month. I’m still not 100% where I’m going or what I want to do. I’m pretty sure I no longer want to live with Danny. I mean… shit. I’ve been saying that practically ever since we moved in. The leading option right now is to move back home with my parents. And I know I’ve been over this before, but I just can’t make a decision about it. Their house is misery. Both my parents are just miserable people. I mean that in the literal sense. They’re deeply unhappy. Being around that much negative energy just drains you.

Every Sunday when Danny and I head over for “family night” (which is no longer really family night since Todd moved away, but that’s another gripe for another night), it takes no more than 20 minutes before we give each other that look of “ugh… here we go.”

Anyway. Point being—I’m not sure I can live there for 4-6 months. I’d go insane. Or worse, I’l literally go insane. I don’t need to be around that kind of energy. When I start to spiral out of control in my own bouts of depression, the one thing that never fails to slap me out of it is some kind of social contact with the outside world. My Friday and Saturday nights with my friends absolutely keep me from killing myself. Without an apartment to invite people over to, I’m worried I’d just never get out, I’d never see my friends.

Of course I could still invite them over… but c’mon. “Hey guys, let’s hangout and have movie night in my bedroom at my parents house.” Rough. I don’t know if I can swing that. I don’t know.

Bright side. I’d be saving a shit-ton of money every month. I’d pay of my credit card debt very quickly, and one or two more months of just pure saving up, I’d have a nice little cache of cash to float on when it’s time go move back out. These are all some very nice and almost-well-worth-it benefits. But I just don’t know.

I’ve got just over 30 days to make up my mind.

(Realistic prediction: Neither Danny and I will have a clue what we’re doing by the end of February, and we’ll just coast month-to-month for a month or two)

I also really miss not having a camera.

Being burgled really fucking sucks.

Goodnight Moon.
I’m Trying…

Posted on January 20th, 2010 at 11:10pm

I had a much better than average night tonight. Much.

Between all the lovely friends I talked to tonight, the Willie Nelson pounding through my surround sound, and this here glass of cherry vodka…. how could I not have a good night? Impossible.

Here’s to you.

Goodnight Moon.
Shine on.

Posted on January 18th, 2010 at 11:56pm

So, if I’m coming from a down-note, where am I going?

I start ever year off the same way. Complaining about the previous, and speaking loudly about all my hopes and aspirations for the next 300-some-odd days. If “good intentions” were actually worth anything, I’d have more money than god. Which… I suppose, I do. But that’s beside the point.

I’ve a severe give-a-damn deficit. But I’m working on it. It’s getting better, but only by a little. A change from a one to a two on a scale of ten doesn’t yield any new results.

I’m getting better on this whole food-phobia-thing. I’ve successfully begun to include white in my Edible Color Palate. The white family joins the red family. The green family hides on the other side of the ocean. It may be a while before I can build a bridge, but we’re drafting up blueprints as we speak.

The general fear of “new things” (again, in general) has been a bit of a mountain to climb. But, he’s getting better. Today they talk of travel and tattoos, together tomorrow.

When abstraction meets abstraction, it’s time for the two heads to lay down.

In short: Hope for the best, but draft up a living will for the worst.

Goodnight Moon
You mean more than you know.

Posted on January 10th, 2010 at 11:02pm

Why, I do believe I’m sick.

Maybe all of this running around like a crazy person and wearing myself thin has caught up with me. Or maybe I just stood a little too close to my dad who has been sicker than a dog all week long. Either way, I woke up today with a small bit of the sniffles, and they’ve stayed with me all day long.

This weekend has been pretty nice.

I’ll include Thursday night only because I bought a new computer online that will serve as my very own media server. After long talks with Jamie and Marke, they’ve set me straight and pushed me away from novelty systems like the MacMini or Dell Zino to manage my media. It makes more sense to stick a box in a closet somewhere and have it function as a main server for everything I own. Then, down the road, I’ll pick up a pretty little machine (probably the Dell Zino, actually) and stick a BluRay drive in it, and that will be the end-machine that connects to the TV. It makes good sense to me, man.

Friday after work, Sarah and CB came over for beers and Mario. It’s always a good time when they’re here. The joke du jour was calling me a duck on a pond. Meaning that I’m cool and calm on the surface, but paddling like hell under the surface. Which…. is true, sad to say. But only under certain circumstances. This may end up being a subject of a later post, because there’s more on this topic than I want to get into right now. (By now, we’ve learned that usually means I’ll never get back to it…)

I slept in until 1pm on Saturday. I felt like I deserved it. It’s been months since I’ve done anything like that… and it was absolutely amazing. I then spent a few hours at my parent’s, further cleaning out the garage and re-organizing everything from the party. There’s still plenty more to be done, but I’m taking it rather slowly while I can.

Later, Tera came down. Been a long time since she was over. We got a quick dinner at Fridays, then back to my place for bottles of wine and The Billy Nayer Show. I introduced her to The American Astronaut, and Stingray Sam. It appears as though she loves both, which makes me happy. We tried to sit through one more movie, but the wine caught up with us, and we passed out around 1am.

And now… I’m a little sick. I’m doped up on a few different medications right now. I’m gonna finish this up real soon, and try to sleep it off. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow. I think I’m going to go see Avatar (IMAX 3D, of course) with Sarah tomorrow evening. I’ll be pissed if I’m too sick to do that.

Goodnight Moon.

Posted on January 6th, 2010 at 12:22am

So here we are. Two Thousand Ten. It’s gotta nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

I’m yet again reminded of sitting in a booth at Denny’s with Charrmaine, coming up with clever rhymes about how great 2008 is going to be. It’s apparently been two years… I’m still waiting on some greatness here. Judging by my goals for the next year, I’m starting to think the greatness may have to be put off another year.

But first, a recap.

Christmas was pretty okay this year. Neither Christmas Eve or Day were at our place, which meant lots of driving two days in a row. Christmas Eve was with my mom’s side of the family, at my Aunt’s house. We did a gift exchange/yankee swap kind of situation. I walked away with the gift my parents brought: a Cuisinart popcorn popper. I figure I have enough movie nights over here that it might someday come in handy.

Christmas day was up in Irvine. My single-ness finally caught up with me, and it was brought to my attention that I’ve been single for the past few Christmasses. It was also mentioned that our family is the only family in the big extended family without any weddings, and/or little ones running around. Being the oldest, I was looked at first. To which I said “Hey, Todd and Beth have been together like four or more years now!”

As for Christmas loot, everything got toned down a bit this year. I got an iPod Nano, which I’m still excited about. The jacket my parents bought me was a size or two too small, so it’s been returned. My dad got me a pretty cool green-laser projector thing, which I used at my NYE party. Todd made me a cool custom Munny doll. Danny told me he ordered me some DVDs I wanted… but I still haven’t got them yet. So, I’m starting to think he once again bailed on gifts for me.

My New Years party was pretty awesome. A very excellent way to end one year, and start another. Despite some big last-minute failures on my part, the party went off very well.

All of my construction and planning was so, so behind. The morning of the party, I woke up at 6 and drove right to my parents’ house to get back to work. With so much still to be done, I didn’t at all have time to stop and take a break for things like… lunch, or dinner.

So, by the time everything was finally up and running and people were showing up and drinks were getting poured, I had a completely exhausted body and a completely empty stomach. Trouble.

It was, hands down, the most drunk I’ve ever been. After one measly cup of Sarah’s punch (which, granted, was extremely strong—we’re talking one full bottle of Sailor Jerry’s, and then some vodka and RedBull on top of that) I was pretty solidly drunk. By the second glass, I was getting pretty wild. As the night went on, the punch bowl was damn near licked clean, and then out came the shot glasses. Trouble again.

That all being said, I didn’t pass out. I didn’t throw up. And somehow, I didn’t even wake up hungover.

Right before we did our midnight countdown, I somehow had the wherewithal to prop up a camera to record video. I’ve got about 4 minutes of video consisting of our midnight countdown, one metric shit-ton of confetti, Ted and I trying to fake kiss (but we failed and just smashed our faces together), and all sorts of Drunk Obnoxious Chris running around and yelling things.

I’ve never actually seen myself drunk before. God damn, I’m obnoxious. I’m pretty damn embarrassed about it now. But oh well, I had a lot of fun.

Group by group, the crowd started to drop off after midnight. The last to leave were Sarah, Carrie, Garret, and Devin. Around 4:30 in the morning we called it a night, and by 5 I was laying in bed…. spinning.

I couldn’t sleep very well at all. About 20 minutes after getting into bed, I got the worst charlie horse ever. In my thigh muscle, and it lasted (what felt like) 15 minutes. I was in so much pain. After it was over, my leg still hurt. It hurt for the rest of the following day, in fact.

In the morning, I had maybe only slept a total of an hour. That day was rough. Running on a total of an hour’s sleep, a night of heavy drinking, very little food in my stomach still, and a full day of running around climbing up and down ladders the day before. Rough. I said this once before, but it bears repeating. It was an absolute exercise in seeing just how far I could push my body before limbs just started to fall off.

The good news, though, is that I managed to lose over 5 pounds from all that. No, seriously.

I spent the next day sleeping, and it was amazing. I caught up with Jasmine to make up for all the lost time. We ate at Carl’s Jr. The last time I ate there was easily 8 months ago. We knew it was a mistake ahead of time, and it was. A brick of [delicious] food in my stomach all night long, and I’ll never do it again. Another good way to start off the year, really. Re-learning that lesson.

I spent most of the 2nd sleeping and putting my own apartment back together. I went out and bought another Wii. Later in the evening, I met up with Sarah for dinner. We went to Islands, a place I didn’t much care for. But it had been years since I was last there, and I didn’t hate it much at all this time around.

After that, we came back to my place to drink beers and play the new Mario Bros. Carrie joined us later. It was an extremely relaxing night, and I enjoyed it a lot.

Sarah and I went to Disneyland on the 3rd. I was expecting it to be crazy busy, and I wasn’t really let down. We managed to make it through the day without waiting in any lines that were too long. I had a horrible realization about my mental state while at Disneyland, and if I can find the courage, it will be the topic of a big long post someday soon.

I don’t know what I was thinking at the time, but I agreed to a weight loss contest. 15 pounds in 2 months, starting yesterday. With the exception of the rum and coke I’m drinking right now, I’ve been behaving rather well so far. I even did 3 miles on the treadmill last night (for the first time in about a month and a half). I know it’s a long shot, but I can’t just give up.

Speaking of giving up…

Goodnight Moon.

Posted on January 6th, 2010 at 12:19am

I spent January through March depressed. In April, I got a new car. In May, we re-signed our lease in an apartment we didn’t want. Between the NIN concert, the Mansion’s 40th, and a particular girl, September was easily the best month of the year, and quite likely the decade. October was the worst. In November, my apartment was broken into and I lost about $8,000 in electronics. In December, my insurance company paid me back only $4,500.

In general, I spent most of this year on the brink of destruction. I went to places darker than I ever thought possible. I think it’s easy to say that next year will be better. Hard to imagine it being any worse.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Posted on December 21st, 2009 at 1:13am

Well, it’s official. Sarah is my own personal corrupter. It was bound to happen eventually.

Quite a few things going on these days. Of course I’m still working on all kinds of projects for the new years party. I keep coming up with crazy ideas to try and make happen. And amazingly, we’ve been finding ways to make everything happen.

Usually when we’re building and planning these insane parties, I come up with these “Wouldn’t it be cool if…” ideas that end up being too big for our budgets and/or skill set. This time around, though, everything I’ve come up with, we’ve been able to put into practice. It’s kind of amazing.

I finally got a check from the insurance company. They’re giving me a little more than half of the value of the stolen items. Infuriating. There’s another two grand I’m “eligible” for if I can prove that what they’ve given me isn’t enough to replace the items. Which, in actuality, is just more arbitrary hoops to jump through just to make things difficult on me. I might not get around to shopping for everything until January. Maybe there will be some after Christmas sales and I’ll be able to make the money stretch further.

Sarah came over Friday and Saturday night for more drinks and movies. Friday night we ate at Gandolfos, then tackled two bottles of wine and watched Stingray Sam. All three of those things sound fantastic to me right now…

Saturday night she came over later in the evening. I was out of mix-ins for our drinks, so she decided it would be a good idea to do shots. So… that’s what we did. It was just supposed to be a quiet Saturday movie night, and a half hour later we’re both giggling our little faces off. We watched The Long Kiss Goodnight, and other random TV shows. Talked a lot about the party. She’s painting a big mural-like space scene for me. I’m sure it’ll be rad.

I’ve got quite a bit of Christmas shopping left to do. It’s only just starting to stress me out. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow… or Tuesday.

Todd is coming into town tomorrow night. It’ll be good to see him again. I want to borrow American Astronaut from Sarah and make Todd watch it with me. I’ve got a feeling he may like it.

I think that about does it. End of the year is rapidly approaching. Time to look back, and plan ahead.

Things just keep changing.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Posted on December 7th, 2009 at 1:23am

Painting, building, cutting, nailing, sawing. I’ve spent almost all of my weekend in the garage working on party-related things.

I’ve come to realize that I’ve lost focus on too many other things in my life, while I’m working on all of this party nonsense. I forgot that it’s already Christmas time, which means I need to start shopping. So… that kinda sucks.

There’s still so much left to do.

I just finished watching Metropolis. When I put it on my Netflix, I knew it was a very old movie, but I did not know it was a silent film. I enjoyed it, but I think my understanding of it is only surface-level. Might be worth another watch or two later down the line.

I’ve been having some troubles with insurance companies lately. First, my car insurance company loves it when I pay may bills late so they’ve become very good at mailing me my bill the day before it’s due. And since they only accept checks, I need the actual paper bill to pay the damn thing.

Then I get a letter in the mail from my renters insurance telling me that it’s been a month since I’ve filed my claim and if I don’t send them any of the paper work and information they requested then my claim will become inactive. Which is very maddening, given that I’ve got a delivery confirmation notice saying they received all the paperwork I sent out last month. I’m sure this will be a fun one to try to clear up.

What else?

I’ve been extra broke this weekend, so I didn’t get my regular hang-outs with Jasmine or Sarah. Definitely a bummer. Lots of talk with Li-Ling and Company(tm) about our winter Disneyland trip, which is always a great thing. I’m asking Sarah to come with this year. I need a riding buddy, now that everyone else has partnered up.

I’m becoming increasingly excited for a new year to start. I don’t know why, really. As silly as it is, there is definitely a “start fresh” feeling when the calendar rolls over to January. I’ve already got my list of things I want (and need) to accomplish in 2010.

I think that about does it. Nothing terribly exciting going on right now.

And for the life of me, I can’t get this paint off my hands.

Goodnight Moon.